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Seeing Is Believing

Chapter 11
Author's Story

Is this true, or is it "just a story"?

Yes, this is true. It is not "just a story." How do I know? I will now tell you "my" story.

Until very recently, I was someone who hoped and believed that God MUST exist, but I will admit, I was not absolutely, positively, bet-my-life-on-it certain. But now, I can tell you, with 100% certainty - beyond ANY shadow of a doubt - there is NO question, God DOES exist! I know it for a FACT!

Although I do not expect you to believe me, especially because you do not even know me, and because I can hardly believe it myself, I am telling you that God has revealed Himself to me. I do not know why me, because I am certainly not religiously qualified, worthy, or prepared for this, but, because He has, I feel that I have a responsibility - to God and to you - to tell you, whether you believe me or not, or whatever the consequences may be. I believe it is only fair, and I would hope that if the situation were reversed, that you would do the same for me.

"When and how did He reveal Himself to you?" you ask. I will not be able to explain everything, but I will try to summarize what has happened over the past year.

No, there has not been a "voice." No "burning bush." It happened exactly as I described earlier in the section, "So...what will happen?" This is how it all began, except that I realize now, this actually began a very long time ago...

Around the first of December 1998, I began writing the letter that I mentioned at the beginning of this paper. This letter is what began the chain of events that has changed my life. Actually, it began just before the letter. It began when I realized something. My first "enlightenment."

I was listening to a song. A song that I had listened to countless times. In fact, I was trying to learn how to play it on the guitar, so I had played it repeatedly - over and over - to try and "figure it out." I had finally figured out the music, and then I tried to learn the lyrics. As I listened to the words - over and over - something suddenly dawned on me.

I suddenly realized that what this person was singing about was not what I thought she was singing about. I suddenly realized that there was a much deeper meaning to her words. The problem was that, in fact, I had not thought about it. I had only been listening to the words on the surface. I had not even thought to listen into the words. I had been listening, but I had not truly been listening. Once I realized this, I started to listen with "new ears." I started to get to know this person through the lyrics of her songs. I started to understand her. To understand her at such a deep, personal, esoteric level, that I became frightened. I asked myself, "Am I the only person on this planet who understands what she is really singing about? Am I the only person who understands her?" I "know" her and yet I don't even "know" her. I have never even met her. (Note: I prefer not to disclose this person's identity, because she does not even know; however, someday, I hope I can thank her.)

As I began to understand this person, I became worried about her. I felt that she believed that no one truly did understand her. I felt that this was causing her a great deal of distress. Serious distress. All I could think was that, here is this person who thinks that no one understands her, and I do. I mean I really believe that I do. What if I am the only one? I felt an urgency to tell her. To let her know, that yes, there is someone "out there" who "knows" you, so don't do anything drastic.

It was then, around the first of December, that I decided to write her a letter. To try and let her know that I thought I understood her and to explain why and how. To explain the reason that she felt the way she did was because of "who" she was - not the who on the surface, but the who inside. To explain that she felt the way she did was because of "how she thought." The fact that we were both able to think so "dimensionally." I knew she was able to, because that is how she wrote her lyrics. I knew I was able to, because I was able to understand them. (Even then I did not truly understand - I had not gone "deep" enough). Explaining this was a difficult thing to do. I found, after many, many pages, that this was not something that was easily described in words. It was then that I decided to "draw a picture." It was then that my "letter" turned into a "theory."

The process that I went through in developing this theory and model diagram of 'The Mind' is basically what I have shared with you in the first section of this paper. At this time, the purpose of my theory was:

1. To portray a model of 'The Mind'.

2. To answer the question "Who am I?"

When I had drawn the diagram, I was very excited. I thought that perhaps I had actually "discovered" something. Something that could have a huge impact on the field of psychoanalysis. But I knew I wasn't "qualified." Who could I tell? Who would listen to me? On December 9, 1998, I even wrote a letter asking these very questions to APSA - The American Psychoanalytical Association and to CPA - The Canadian Psychoanalytical Society.

I discussed my "discovery" with a co-worker and excitedly said, "It explains everything!" He questioned me and asked, "Does it explain Health Care?" I said, "Well... No." He said, "Does it have anything to do with religion?" I said, "Well... No." (He then said, "Good, because if it does, no one will listen to it.")

I then started thinking more about it, and I realized that, Yes! It does explain Health Care because it explains the individuals who are in control of the Health Care system.

As I looked more closely at my diagram, I realized that it not only answered the question, "Who am I?" but it also showed the "meaning/purpose of life." This was a very exciting realization. I was beginning to "see" that there was more to this drawing than I realized.

Then, on the morning of December 12, 1998 as I was looking at my diagram again, I realized the most important "discovery" of all. I realized that I had, in fact, drawn "God"! The second that this "enlightenment" occurred was like a bolt of lightning had hit me. That day my life changed. My emotions turned from excitement to incredible fear. I then realized that not only did this theory and diagram have "something" to do with religion, it had "everything" to do with religion. I realized it, but I could not believe it. I asked myself, "What have I done?" I asked myself, "What is really going on here?"

It was then that "things" started to happen. Actually, I realized that things had happened before, even years ago, but I hadn't really paid any attention. I started "seeing" things and "hearing" things. Articles in the newspaper or the internet, newspaper comic strips, programs on television, songs and interviews on the radio, conversations overheard. At the most unexpected times - "out of the blue." Every time I turned on the television. Every time I turned on the radio. People would say things to me in a casual conversation. Everything seemed to be pointing to my paper. "Coincidences." "Ironies." No. There were just too many. At first I denied it. "This isn't really happening. It is just my imagination. I am just getting paranoid." But there were just too many to ignore.

I knew it was really true, when I started asking questions and actually getting answers. The exact answer to the exact question I had asked. It was then that I started to really get scared - especially the first time it happened. "This is God! God is actually revealing Himself to me - communicating with me!" It is one thing to believe in God, but to actually know that He really exists is something entirely different. Your entire "world" is changed immediately. "No one is going to believe me," I thought. In fact, even some very close to me did not believe me and still do not. Thankfully, there were a few individuals who I shared this with that did believe me. I cannot express in words my gratitude to them for that belief and their emotional support.

After I managed to accept this and think more clearly about what was happening, I became more brave, and started to "talk" to God. I started to build a personal relationship with Him. I asked Him, "Why me?" and "What exactly do you want me to do?" "What could I possibly do?" This was the end of December. It was Christmas. It was the season of universal "Peace on Earth and Goodwill Towards Men." The media attention at that time was also focused on peace in the Middle East with the "Wye Peace Accord Agreement." What was the purpose of my paper? "To enable mutual understanding in order to create peace, harmony, and goodwill". I asked God, "Is this what you want me to do? Help bring peace to the earth?" He basically answered me, "Yes." He kept showing me things that I could put in my paper, and I "chose to look." I decided that it was this paper that He wanted me to write.

"But," I asked Him, "Why me?" I am not religiously qualified to do this for You. I believe that I am a "good" person, but I do not believe that I am that "good." I am not an expert in the Bible and I haven't even gone to church on a regular basis for a very long time." But, I decided that if this is what He wanted me to do, then I had better do it. And I had better try to "get" qualified. I started with the New Testament. As I read it, I began to "understand." I began to understand that my diagram did explain a lot more that I had ever imagined. I started to realize the significance of what I had "discovered." I realized that I had not only drawn God, but that I had, in fact, drawn "The Way." I "came upon" an article that had the following scripture in it:

I asked God, "Is this what this is all about? Am I helping to "prepare the way" for Jesus' Second Coming?" I began to get frightened again. Frightened because now that I know that God truly exists, I also know that the "rest of the story" must also be true. I said to myself, "If that is what this is all about, then I have to hurry and tell people." I should not have hurried.

I felt an urgency to get this paper completed. The middle of January 1999 I thought I was done. I asked God, "I think that it is finished. What am I supposed to do with it now? Am I supposed to publish it, or put it on the Internet, or send it to someone, or what? Are You going to tell me, or am I supposed to figure it out myself?" The answer never came, or perhaps it did, but I didn't "see" it. Perhaps the fact that the answer never came was itself the answer. ("It is not ready.")

I let a few select people read it, to get their reactions and their comments. I did not get the reaction that I was expecting - the reaction I was hoping for. Comments like, "This is interesting." "Why did you only use the New Testament?" "What about all the other religions?"

I even let a minister read it expecting an incredible reaction. No. At first he did not even want to read it. He became very defensive - almost even angry that I would even suggest such a thing. I ended up leaving that meeting without my paper as he agreed that he would read it later. That experience left me totally devastated. I asked God, "Why, if You knew that was going to happen, why did You want me to tell him?" (I realize now that it was probably a very valuable learning experience for me - one that I am sure will happen many times again, but the next time I will be more emotionally prepared for it and even expecting it.) The minister did read it, and I met with him again to hear his comments. Still not the reaction I was expecting. He said that it was "interesting," and he also told me that this kind of thing happens to people all the time, and that if I had been part of a "church family" that I would realize that through sharing my experiences with others. I left that meeting, thinking, "Maybe this does happen to people all the time. Maybe this isn't such a "big deal" after all. Maybe I am blowing this way out of proportion. Maybe God is just doing this for my benefit."

Then I started thinking, "No way. This does not happen all the time." I am sure that if it did, I would have heard about it. I started asking the people who I had been sharing this experience with if they had ever heard of it happening before, and they said, "No." That gave me the confidence that I needed. I then started to think, "Maybe I am not done after all. Maybe that is what the problem is. Really, in all fairness, I should have all the facts before I can say that it is done. I should read the entire Bible, not just the New Testament. Perhaps I have missed something important. And also, I really want this to be for everyone - every faith and denomination. To be fair, I should at least become acquainted with the other religions to see if I can include everyone better."

With those thoughts in mind, I continued my "research." (This is why, in fact, that one particular individual does not believe me. He says that it cannot be true because I have done it "backwards." I told him that I could not help the way that it has happened. All I know is that it has. And actually, if you look at my diagram, I do not believe that I have done it "backwards" at all, in fact, I believe that I am going in exactly the "right" direction.)

I realized that, in fact, I was not done. I learned a great deal. I realized that I had not explained things very well. I had depended on my diagram to let people make the connections themselves. Some things I did not explain very well because I did not even know them myself at the time. I also realized that all I had really done was to present my theory and to provide scripture evidence to support it. I had not done what I was supposed to do. I had not given people "a message." I then proceeded to rewrite my paper to include my newfound knowledge.

Once again, I believe that I am done. Actually, I believe that this is something that I will never really be done. I believe that this is only the beginning. I believe and know that there is a lot more that I will learn. But I also believe that I must share with you what I know now.

I do not expect you to believe me. Some of you perhaps will, but there will be many who won't. I hope there are more of you who will than won't, because it is true. It is my hope that instead of "closing your mind" completely to this information that you will at least give it a chance. At least if you agree to try, you are opening your mind and that is the only way you will have any chance at all to "see" God.

Since this started, I also came to the realization that I am not the only one giving the "message." As I began to "see" things with new eyes, and "hear" things with new ears, I began to realize that there are many who are telling the "message" but people just aren't aware of it because, like I was, they are only looking and hearing on the surface. No one has told them to look and listen deeper. Perhaps that is my purpose. To tell you. No, I am not paranoid or deluded. In fact, just try it. Start listening to some of the songs on the radio, especially the 'Love' songs or the songs classified as "Light Rock", start reading some of the comic strips in the newspaper from this new perspective and you will "see" too.

London Free Press, February 19, 2000, Copyright by Charles Schulz.

Note: Charles Schulz passed away on February 12, 2000 at the age of 77.
The same day his comic strip ended.


Update: July 2004

Read My 11:11 Story
Read My King Arthur / Holy Grail Connections

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